The most painful laughs I have ever experienced in my life occured during the making of this short film, which is only just a small slither of just how crazy my husband & Sam Hughes got that night. Mitch is the one in the back who goes stir-crazy with the alluminium foil and Sam’s the one who knows how to do great things with a vacuum cleaner.
Experimental animation from 1998, one of my professional practise units @ uni. My own work in design has followed a very similar ethos ~ where i’ve had to be very selective about the kinds of devils i choose to sell my soul to.
When i did art, they told me ~ “that’s not art, it’s more like design”.
When i did design, they told me ~ “this is not design (not commercial enough), how do you expect to get a job producing work like that?! your target audience, it doesn’t even exist!”
I still continue to enjoy how Newtown Mums became the ultimate up-yours, to the latter.
Received a very patronising letter attempting to inform me about the provisions of the Education Act 1990 by a robot the other day, so this is my tongue-in-cheek reply ~ to that robot:
My typography teacher @ uni tried to fail me in the subject after these infamous words were submitted in a very naughty piece that broke all the rules and totally shitted all over the design brief. Rewarded with high distinction by another lecturer who happened to agree with it’s sentiment in this music video. For now ~ I am content with allowing this post to remain as it was originally intended to be.
A poem from 1997, which i’m now using in response to another stupid robot from 2008.
You Are A Robot
In negative philosophy,
time passes.
A lingering bad smell,
is stained upon the university walls.
Vacant stares,
evaporate into silence….
Tuberculosis,
on a hot
neon sign,
yearning for a good wank
in opulent water.
Sorrow burns tenaciously,
in an everlasting bubble of rushes.
I hate this so-called “God”.
Syphilis on him!
An absolute waste of copious time.
Of all that money has to offer,
I’m presented with this,
pathetic lecturer!
émigré?!
So what!
You are a robot.
Simon Says…
Doubt Yourself.
A seductive tool,
to remind us of time
and how distorted it becomes.
Away…. Away!
..at how the nadir darkens onto a
burnt-out pool of vomit.
Idiot!
Outrageously uncreative,
stupid,
little,
so and so.
Yearning to bring back to life,
dead old ways.
I close my ears,
to drown out your insipid notions.
FUCK YOU!
…I quietly scream.
Tolerating what I can…
You are a Robot.
Simon Says…
Confuse Yourself.
To you,
it’s all nothing!
Your idealism,
lacerates
every drop of inspiration.
A rancid reflection,
of eclectic lost causes.
How invigorating,
to see Neolithic half-witted dorks,
show their intolerance!
How do we fucking escape these contradictions?
Riot?!!
Stuff their mouths with
Kellogs Cornflakes?
~ Why not?!!
You are a robot.
Simon Says…
“Hate Yourself”
I know what lies ahead,
you have to find,
The Brain.
Only YOU,
can kill the brain!
Yes,
some of us just may disagree with your arguments.
Keen to attack it,
with our own opinion.
Then I think…
What good ~
…would that do?
Our own opinions,
are underrated,
and rejected ~
because having to listen to,
New Ideas,
don’t correspond to your own fucking idea of,
“evergreen design” ~
I fucking hate you!
Go on and forcefully insert your
foul iconoclast contradictions,
up into the air,
and hear us laugh at two baboons.
You people,
are the tyrannical rats,
of evolving dismemberment.
A long wait it becomes,
to complete the instructed tasks.
Buzz off,
Angel from Below.
I curse and will,
enjoy to see your stupidness
become further outmoded,
and DIE!
~
A long time since I’ve been in blog world. Our whole family has experienced great relief since we made the decision to pull Aidan out of school and take up the direction of homeschooling as the alternative for our son’s education. The weeks leading up to this decision were acutely stressful for Mitch & myself, Aidan included. The school wasn’t able to manage things well. My maternal instincts were screaming out loud within the second week of school, but i’m glad that bulk of the nausea I endured throughout it all is greatly over for now.
We opted to schedule a break for much needed rest & relaxation over at the Werriberri Lodge in the Megalong Valley, which is about a 20 minute drive from our place. According to the documentation at the lodge, Werriberri was the name of the last Aboriginal chief of a tribe that was located in this area.
This place is known as our ‘home away from home’. We even had the same cabin as last time, No.4. The Smith’s have conglomerated at this place for weddings, funerals in the past. After this adventure - for ‘everything else’ as well, so I couldn’t help but have that Weddings/Funerals & Everything movie run through my head every now at then during out stay there.
As usual with any getaway, I always have to do a toilet review first for Newtown Mums (because this kind of information is very important to them).
This toilet, was impressively sealed for our protection. From what? Boogie Monsters? I still don’t know.
A very b-grade performance on the presentation of the toilet paper, which didn’t come with a neat triangle fold and it was also going ‘under’ instead of over. I wasn’t too disappointed by this at all, because it is budget accommodation after all – but it would have been very problematic if I faced something like this in an expensive 5 star hotel.
The most unusual presentation of the mini-shampoos I’ve ever come across to date, but the bottles were very nicely branded.
I’ve always loved the design of these cabins because it’s a very efficient use of space which can accommodate 6 people with one double bed in the master bedroom,
and 4 bunk beds in the other bedroom.
It gets very cold in this area at night, Mitch turns into an axeman by the shed to help gather the firewood.
Aidan gets busy riding his bike called “Huffy” in the name of exercise amidst oodles of fresh air to get the cheeks all red & rosy. Lots of great bike-riding tracks in this area. I can’t believe it’s been a whole decade since i rode my first-ever 2-wheeled bike off the edge of a small cliff in the more daring drik-bike tracks of this area.
I get distracted by the local flower.
Aidan starts multi-tasking with Huffy by helping to carry the firewood back to the cabin.
Most of our time indoors was spent playing with the open fireplace and telling stories.
Too busy relaxing to take any photos of the delicious home-cooked meals I enjoyed making away-from-home, but that is a left-over plate of chicken schnitzel on the coffee table! For breakfast, we enjoyed grilled bacon with eggs, char-grilled cherry tomatos & home-made pancakes.
Landscape shot from the base of the Megalong Valley – there’s obviously many wonderful look-outs from the cliff tops that looks down into this area. Very fortunate to have lovely weather during our stay.
Father & son go in search for the horses, which made me think of Mrs.Lifecruiser’s childhood!
Saying hello to the local donkey. It was wonderful to see Aidan so happy & peaceful, glowing from the inside.
He was glowing even more when he finally got to ride the horse who’s name was “Hound”.
Going “solo” – it was amazing to see him so happy. He had another turn riding the horse known as “Coin” the next day. We’re hoping to make horse riding lessons as regular feature in Aidan’s life – something for him to master in an area which his parents are completely clueless.
Ah yes, the final dishwashing detergent review. A classic 1-2 star, predictably – very heavily “diluted” with water, so you need to use even more in order to clean the dishes up!
Looking forward to doing this sometime next month to “get away” again. Will be sure to go on a bush walk to check out the waterfall/creek for the next round and i’ll get more snappy with the camera when it comes to the food!
Jesus - another freakin’ attack over at www.newtownmums.com.au
..where it’s publishing spam into new posts. I’ve had two emails i received in my inbox get published onto the website too.
A vulnerability with wordpress - or is my server with MDWebhosting still screwed?
I’ve had no luck in searching for answers to this issue via google.
I’m not feeling secure about wordpress now - what if this account hosted via BlueHost gets hacked in the same way?
It’s demoralising.
Why does spam exist? Why is it here in this world? What benefits do hackers and spammers get from their work? Why do they do it? I don’t get it.
Any other webhosting companies out there that can migrate my account away from MD Webhosting?! What a pig’s breakfast.
Just how badly are these guyz up shit creek atm?!
*gah*
A big market for other webhosting companies offering “MD Webhosting Refugee” specials to compensate for this shit alright.
This fuck up would hurt my buisness so hard if i only did webhosting (but hey, it’s already hurting!).
Fortunate to be an all-rounder in the world of design in the meanwhile :S
Like, shit happens …and then people invent toilet paper. [/vent]
The weather is foggy & damp, but there are no thunderstorms in Leura. Without warning, the computers shut down – and it’s another blackout. The mother finds her body in a state of shock. Her insides are silently taking a while to digest the fact that she’s just lost a shitload lot of data that didn’t get saved, whilst her son displays a more overt version of being scared by screaming out loud. He runs up to her with his ears covered by his hands, crouching into her to seek protection like an animal cowering for shelter in a cave. He pleads with his mother to go into the bed so they can hide under the covers for safety…
Mum & an almost 7yo boy called Aidan, race to grab the flashlight from under the kitchen sink, and run into the bedroom. They are hiding underneath the doona covers. The following conversation evolves during the 19 minutes of their lives that are spent together without any power in the house…
Aidan: I’m scared we’re going to die!
Mum: Why do you think we’ll die darlin’?
Aidan: Because our fridge doesn’t work.
Mum: How is that going to kill us?
Aidan: Because our food won’t be refrigerated, they’ll rot away.
Mum: Do you understand that there are some foods that don’t need a fridge?
Aidan: Huh? (he cheers up) Toast?
Mum: Yeah. Toast doesn’t need a fridge.
Aidan: but… the toaster doesn’t work.
Mum: That’s right, but you still have bread. Sometimes you have sandwiches, don’t you?
Aidan: Aha!
Mum: You don’t need a toaster to make a sandwich …and there’s tinned tuna. That doesn’t need a fridge. There are still foods that don’t need a fridge…
Aidan: Tinned Tuna?! That needs a fridge!
Mum: No it doesn’t. I put it in the fridge because I like it cold.
Aidan: Why?
Mum: Tuna doesn’t have to stay in the fridge because it’s a preserved food. Food in tins can live on the shelf. Does that help? To know that we won’t starve?
Aidan: Hmm, mmm
Mum: Another way to get food is to go to the shop.
Aidan: but those shops, none of the shops registers will be working. They’re all destroyed. They’re all… what might have happened for that lack of power?
Mum: I don’t know, our electricity supplier always has constant blackouts, it’s a problem – isn’t it? It is a problem, I agree. We’re not going to die.
Aidan: I think we’ve been using too much electronics!
Mum: I think you’re right. We’re very dependant on electricity.
Aidan: It makes more greenhouse gases and an angry mob will come here any minute now.
Mum: Why?
Aidan: because….
Mum: An angry mob might come to our house?
Aidan: but they’ll breathe all the greenhouse gasses.
Mum: Huh?
Aidan: They’ll smell all the greenhouse gasses. The greenhouse gasses will make people sick and they’ll call the angry mob.
Mum: The angry mob? Who’s the angry mob?
Aidan: It’s a crowd of people with flame torches.
Mum: A crowd of people with flame torches huh?
Aidan: aw…. In Newtown, I wished I lived on level 3.
Mum: Why?
Aidan: Because it’s not so high.
Mum: But we’re living on the ground now.
Aidan: But an angry mob can go to our house on the ground.
Mum: Oh… well you don’t have to be scared of the angry mob because we won’t have an angry mob attacking our house. We’re not the one’s responsible for power supply, it’s Integral Energy that is. I think I’d be more worried if I was Integral Energy living on the ground floor don’t you think?
Aidan: What’s Integral Energy?
Mum: Integral Energy, that’s the business that supplies the power in the Blue Mountains. It’s their job to give us the power supply and they’re not doing a very good job.
Aidan: Well I’ll throw their butts in COURT!
Mum: or… you could write a letter, and tell them about the problem. We also live in the mountains, so there might be a reason for why this area is more prone to blackouts compared to the city. Perhaps it’s time we wrote them a letter and asked them why it’s happening, and what they’re doing about it to fix the problem.
Aidan: They can’t do anything about it.
Mum: Are you ok? You look very sad.
(tears are beginning to well in Aidan eyes, he’s doing “the wavering lip”)
Mum: My poor boy – are you ok darlin’? We’re not going to die. We’re not gonna die. We have food at home. We have blankets to keep us warm.
Aidan starts to cry…
Aidan: I’m not very sure, I think it’s very sad. All the power plants might be destroyed.
Mum: Destroyed? By what?
Aidan: Some evil Japanese, Japan. The Japanese. they must’ve been destroying the power plant to stop Australia defending the whales so they can kill Australia’s whales. When I join the army or the air-force, I’ll have to drive an aircraft bomber. When I’m over the Japanese ships, I’ll drop bombs on them and BOOM – that’ll kill some of the Japanese.
Mum: To stop them from killing whales?
Aidan: Yes!
Mum: So you’re not happy about that… You’re not happy that the Japanese are killing their whales?
Aidan: Yes, and here’s something more for you. They destroyed our power plants.
Mum: What makes you say that?
Aidan: To stop Australia guarding the whales.
Mum: But ships don’t run on electricity. They’ve got petrol and generators on the ship. If the Japanese destroy a power plant on land, it’s not going to affect the power on a ship. The Australian ships can still do their job. They’ve got separate power supply units on the ship.
Aidan: and after the war at Japanese, I’ll have to go over to the country of Japanese and send all the soldiers out and then drop bombs on Japan.
Mum: Why? Why do you want to go war with Japan?
Aidan: Because they’re bad, they’re bad people.
Mum: How are they bad people?
Aidan: They tried to kill Australian whales.
Mum: Do you realise there might be some Japanese people living in Japan that aren’t happy about the whales getting killed?
Aidan: No. All of them want the whales, because they want to eat them.
Mum: …but there are some Japanese people who are vegetarian. They don’t eat meat, so they wouldn’t want to eat whales.
Aidan: What’s a vegetarian?
Mum: A vegetarian is a person who only eats vegetable foods, they don’t eat any animals. There are Japanese who are vegetarians.
Aidan: Vegetarians die…
Mum: What makes you say that?
Aidan: Because they don’t any nutritious, more nutritious foods. No nutritious.
Mum: Vegetables are very nutritious…
Aidan: but they’re not very calciumful… They don’t have much calcium.
Mum: Vegetables have calcium in them.
Aidan: How much?
Mum: :O I don’t know… some vegetarians drink milk, that’s a good source of calcium. They don’t kill cows to get milk. So that’s why some vegetarians are ok with drinking milk and eating cheese.
Aidan: ..and milking cows?
Mum: Well, not many people milk cows these days.
Aidan: Why not?
Mum: Because it’s done by machines. You saw the You Tube video on how to milk a cow, do you remember?
Aidan: Yeah 
Well – the machines are, they break down!
Mum: What machines?
Aidan: Cow milking machines.
Mum: How do they break down?
Aidan: Maybe the suction device gets broken. It can’t work without electricity!
Mum: Are you feeling a bit better about the blackout now?
Aidan: No… (very sad) This electricity problem is going up. Awwww… no! You know, Japanese ships are stronger than our war ships. We’ll be defeated easily.
Mum: I don’t think the power supply problem here is caused by the Japanese.
Aidan: What is it caused by?
Mum: I’m not exactly sure, but I don’t think it’s got anything to do with people bombing the power plants. It’s another type of problem, it’s a local problem.
Aidan: Did someone cut the electricity wires?
Mum: Um.. I don’t know, but I do know that these problems usually occur when there is a storm.
Aidan: Oh no. A tornado will suck up our house and destroy it to bits. Then we’ll be killed…
Mum: Hmm… We don’t get tornados in this region. Not in this part of Australia. The tornados are called cyclones here, and those tend to occur in northern parts of Australia. Up in the top parts like of Australia like Darwin and northern Queensland.
Aidan: But tornados could go all the way to here.
Mum: Um… there might be the odd tornado or water-spout that happens in Sydney but they usually don’t come to the NSW area, not where we live.
Aidan: Which is Darwin region?
Mum: Right at the top of Australia.
Aidan: Which is DARWIN region?
Mum: Northern Territory.
Aidan: Is it “NT”?
Mum: Yep – that’s right. It’s NT 
Aidan: What is – Olympic Park?
Mum: Olympic park? That’s in Sydney.
Aidan: What’s an Olympic Park?
Mum: It’s a big space with lots of sporting facilities. Venues to do sports like archery, cycling, swimming, gymnastics, boxing, weightlifting
Aidan: Errrrrrr I hate those trams.
Mum: Trams?
Aidan: I hate them running and going in the streets because they disturb the traffic!
Mum: They’re usually co-ordinated with the traffic Aidan.
Aidan: What does co-ordinate mean?
Mum: Work-together. I think some have to follow the traffic lights as well.
Aidan: Why do some trams have traffic lights?
Mum: So that they can work together with the cars on the streets. When one direction of cars needs to stop, the tram can stop or go.
Aidan: You know? Trams are very boring.
Mum: Why are trams boring?
Aidan: Because they’re such a slow, low train that goes on the road.
Mum: They’re faster than cars sometimes, because cars can get compacted in traffic jams whereas the trams are on a rail system…
Aidan: But it might accidentally crash into a car that’s passing!
Mum: A car might accidentally crash into one, maybe… are you feeling a bit better now?
Aidan: But when a car accidentally crashes…police will arrest… stop the tram running… Australia’s power supply is not very good. I think I’ll have to leave 
I’ll have to go to another country… I think I have to go to another country.
Mum: mmm
Aidan: We will have to go to another country!
Mum: Well… are you feeling a little bit better now? A little bit less scared?
Aidan: Ohh no, I’m getting more scared.
Mum: Why?
Aidan: Look – the sky is getting darker. When it gets darker, evil monsters come.
Mum: We can light candles… would that be fun?
Aidan: No thanks.. No thanks! nononono, I’m not good at handling flammables.
Mum: You don’t have to handle it, I can handle it. Listen, how about I check the fuse box, to make sure it’s not a problem with the fuse box? If we can get the electricity back on, then it’s probably not a blackout.
Aidan: No! Don’t do that to the fuse box, you might get killed! There’s spiders hanging around the fuse box! (concerned, because his mother was bitten by a female huntsman whilst opening the car door recently, it was hiding under the door handle)
Mum: I can use a broom to sweep them away.
Aidan: But they’ll run up the broom and bite you.
Mum: That’s alright – I’ll use karate!
Aidan: No! That don’t work! If you use karate, that will never work. Spiders will.. when you try to punch the spider, it will bite you. The spider will bite you if you do karate.
Mum: (laughs) I can bring some fly spray.
Aidan: But it’s poisonous!
Mum: Yeah. It’ll kill them, if there’s any there.
Aidan: But you’ll have to run away quickly.
Mum: I can do that.
Aidan: But you can’t run through the gate because it’ll take too much time closing it.
Mum: Well I need to check the fuse box anyway. I need to check the street to see if we actually have a blackout or if it’s a fusebox issue ok? So, I’ll check it out.
Aidan: Are you going to go far from my house?
Mum: No, I’m just going to check the houses. There’s no lights in that house out the bedroom window over here, so I’m just going to go to Daddy’s workroom to see if the lights are off in the other neighbours house. Because there’s no storm, there’s been no signs of thunder so it’s very unsual to have a blackout…
Mother and son exit the bedroom. The power returns.
Mum: It’s back. The electricity is back!
Windows plays it’s start-up music on the computer, startling both of them.
Aidan: I hate that windows start up music!
Mum: Me too! I don’t like it either!
The End
…of a very interesting 19minutes of life together with my son, and no power.
Like, I think we’ve clocked more hours without power in Leura compared to “Earth Hour” this year. 
For crazy thinking mums who have a bloody sense of humour!
