aka R’acquel

As a lot of my old TIT stuff got stuck over at blogger with no ability to import it into wordpress, i thought it was well worth reviewing how things have been by consolidating the past with the present. This was the shape of my sewing quarters tackle way back in early October 2006.

At the time, i was debating whether or not it was a good idea to bring my sewing gear downstairs in the workroom. I soon learnt that working in a tight space, especially with carpeted floors in the workroom was not a good idea. Thankfully, the carpet is a pathetic grey berber as opposed to “beige” - and i’ve also got one of those vacuum cleaners with the swirling brush to pick up fibres too [thank goodness!].

Nope - i need the expanse of hard surfaced floors (or horizontal bench spaces) to work on pattern making & cutting thanks. The machines eventually migrated back upstairs to the living room, whilst i keep the material stocks & sewing accessories downstairs.

I’ve sadly been out of touch with TIT due to my son’s recent diagnosis of autism/hyperlexia. There’s been so many meetings with specialists & the school which was a very frantic last-minute rush to get everything in place for ease of transition into school. The process so far, has gone exceptionally well. What surprises me the most, is how the diagnosis has been such an incredible moment of enlightenment & empowerment, rather than to be anything “sorry” about. More on that front another time.

Predictably, with the sewing quarters being such a state of so much work-in-progress, the level of order had begun to disintegrate in the course of 5 months, so it was time for another tackle!

My son insisted on being in the picture, which is kind of good, because he does a pretty good job of covering the choas to an extent. *lol* So - things are looking in good shape again.

I purchased two more large plastic tubs to cover the excess scrap material underneath (it naturally accumulates when you’re a frenetic sewer, right?! =P). Amazing to see how much material has piled up across the last 5 months, so i look forward to rendering the piles down with creative patchwork concepts to incorporate into clothing. My present project load at the moment, is the recreation of vintage 70s designer evening dresses which i seriously look forward to taking up soon!

I purchased a pedometer a few months ago, and it was intriguing to realise how physically demanding the act of sewing is for me! I have sported physical injury due to working out so hard! Great to know that a form of work that i enjoy can be classed as a very legitimate form of exercise!

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Things have been going well with my workroom eversince i began tackle it tuesday late september this year - my workdesk was the first thing that i addressed. Since that tackle, i have begun to understand that a cluttered workdesk is a sign of procrastination & having too much going on in my life. If i start forming paper piles on my desk, you can bet that the most painful & procrastinated things are living burried right at the bottom of it.

The good news is that i haven’t allowed my desk to get too bad for quite some time. Life has it’s natural moments of “to do” things building up. My workdesk was beginning to feel a little overwhelming, so i chose to address the room again this week. Here’s the before shot:

I was very embarassed about putting a stack of things on top of my monitor to address later, but all up - things have still be going really well, i’ve been feeling increasingly better about it across the weeks. Here is the after shot:

It doesn’t look like a big difference, but the psychological impact has been fantastic for me. I went through my piles - looking forward to discovering what procratinated things might be living underneath it. It was surprisingly easy for me - in general, most of the stuff were things that needed to be filed - a very clean easy process.

The hardest bit was giving my desk a thourough wiping - finding myself regretting that i had bought this “Zed” Table, because there’s so much glass, which means wiping not only the top surface but underneath it all too - which has spaces that are hard to get into. Glass is difficult to clean & “polish” - and i’d welcome any tips if anyones got the knack for getting that squeaky clean finish all the time. I know newspaper can work well, though with the hard-to-reach spaces, you just have to make-do with imperfections (and it’s still gonna get all dusty with time anyway!) So, i did the best by rubbing with a lint-free cloth after the wet-wiping.

I regret buying the table - thinking “wood! wood!” so much easier to clean. The other problem with all this glass is moving house. We were lucky to have our move here sponsored by my husband’s work colleague, meaning professional movers with insurance - but i don’t look forward to moving this piece of furniture to the next house we have to find soon.

I spotted Karen’s Feng Shui site from Jessica Duquette’s blog the night before. Enhancing interior space & decluttering is one of my hobbies, so i took it on in my workroom.

The Fame & Reputation

The logic behind it makes perfect sense to me - the first thing which will catch your eye living in this space as soon as you walk in. A good idea to put something that i’m proud to associate myself with here.

I need more respect for my work, especially the unpaid work i’ve been doing for my husband. What surprised me about this was that i had already moved my “no-limits” sign a week ago - and my mind has been thinking about the uneasiness i’ve been experiencing about my “unpaid” working situation. After much thought on the matter, I had to make some changes to my sign;

My former attitude is not making any money - there has to be a limit somwhere right?! Yeah, this is what my life needs to aspire towards now - the “show me the bloody fucking money” way of life! A great symbolic reminder to myself :D The strangest irony of it all? This sign used to live underneath my monitor and i barely noticed it as much as i do now that it’s resting in the formal fame & reputation corner! I think it’s working and i look forward to seeing what happens in the next few weeks! :D

Career

I want business to pick-up, i want to make more money and i want direction in knowing with what i want to do in my life career-wise. A water symbol was suggested, so a plant was going to be ideal for me. I was thinking of my Bonsai Fig, coz i use that plant to reflect on the ‘direction’ of my life. It would have been perfect, but I was uneasy about a this sun-loving plant being indoors without access to strong light. That’s when the light bulb moment hit me - my plant Moses! It’s an indoor plant very sensitive to light! Yay!

This is bound to put a smile on my dear friend, Rambling Rose - who gave Moses to me about 8 months ago because she is STILL alive. 555. It made me feel so much better as soon as i brought her into my room. My bonsai fig is situated in the same “career” zone on my verandah, so it dawned on me that this plant was likely to stand for “Newtown Mums“, while my fig steps in for ”my general life”. 

After some further review, i got my 30th birthday card sent from NM this month. I later realised that there are 6 names on the card, this plant has 6 prominent stems, with a small 7th one beginning to sprout. Who knows, maybe it’s the new member we’ll be hearing from soon…

I also have my small “saving time” book there, to remind me that i will never spend another 30hrs of not sleeping in an attempt to deal with sunshine hating idiots ever again. There’s also the “Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers that’s been responsible for great changes to my life recently too

Skills & Knowledge

My violin naturally fell here. It’s perfect for the task of meditating to gain more wisdom. I learn a lot of things outside of music as i practise

 

Prosperity

A reminder of what i have in abundance. Ironically the space of my “emotional shelf” that i’ve recently converted into a money-making space - so that was a very nice moment of serendipity!

Here rests my unfinished painting of Frieda Kahlo taking on Nad’s Hair Removal Gel. Ironically, i need to save $$$ to get my teeth fixed with orthodontal work, so it’s a great picture to have here as i can see all of her teeth! I also have a bowl of spare change (there’s always spare change, even during the hard times) - along with one of those Chinese good luck boat things my mother gave me that’s supposed to help make money multiply when you let it sit with money.  

After further thought - i realised where to put my recently acquired bottle of cognac given to me for my 30th by the NM Gals. I’ve had this dream of buying a bottle no less that $1K, to celebrate a fantastic achievement with a huge party one day (i’m sensing this could be in 2 years time). For the meanwhile, i’m not going to open this particular bottle until the time is right - so it’s currently “appreciating” in value! (Here’s hoping that age will make it taste much better once it does get opened! :D)   

Helpful People

Oh - a powerful spot hitting me very hard at the moment. If i don’t do things, it won’t get done. Everything $$$ we get has been a big struggle the last few months. We have to move house. It’s supposed to be good to have angels present here - and i had the perfect token for it.

 

An angel playing a violin - it’s a piece from a charm given to me by a psychic friend of my mothers, who’s also a Feng Shui consultant. At the time of receiving it - it didn’t have much meaning to me until i got my violin. The poignancy of the symbol had amplified for me, and i knew there was something intense about it. I’ve had moments in life where it’s felt like this has been a token of someone looking out for me.

I’ve been very active in trying to find another place to move. The situation is bad in this region but i think the phenomena is nation wide with rising interest rates. Many people wanting to sell their houses, not many who want to invest - so there’s not much rental houses available on the market. What makes matters more stressful is that the owner of the house were in is selling the place - so if someone buys, we’d need to ship out in 60days. We don’t want to be forced into the neighbouring suburb, so it’s been important to keep the search effort up.

I’ve had my moments of complacency with the search, allowing a week to go by without popping into the agents here - however as the market is so slow, it makes my current pace with it seem over the top - providing either “none” or maybe 1-2 houses with some places that are still not up to providing for our needs.

I like how the angel sits above the exit of my door - it’s a good reminder to me that it’s important to keep looking. The owner is selling $50K above one real estate agent’s evaluation - so we have that as an advantage in our favour amidst the current market environment finding it very hard to sell property. Many houses have been listed for months & months with no bites.  

The really weird thing about it today, when my husband’s car got pranged by the old lady at the supermarket car park today - how the moment felt like a good omen to me. I only manged to read this again hours later, as this space is also good for;

“When you are in entanglements, you need to be treated fairly.”

I wonder if this is why my mind thought of this angel when it felt like someone was looking out for us at the time.

I have the feeling that we are likely to find another nice house that is going to be even better value & quality than this one. Only time can tell. In the meanwhile, i can’t afford to be complacent with it. It’s good to get reminded each time i walk out the door

Family

I am estranged from my own side of the family even though i get along well with them now. I’ll write more about this on thoughts about what “Merry Christmas” means to me.

This is the most poignant change in my room. I can’t believe how deeply it has impacted me. It’s a photograph of my grandfather (My Dad’s father). I’ve never met him as he’s been dead for as long as i’ve been alive. As my brithday was so miserable this year (which is why i treasure the bottle of cognac so dearly now) - i raised a virtual toast to my grandfather to celebrate his 30 years of death.

I’ve felt his presence with me ever since i saw this photo. Maybe it’s because his face has strong resemblance, but i just got the impression that had he been in my life, along with my other grandparents & extended family - things would’ve most certainly been very different for me.

This space is supposed to be good if you wanted to be treated as a part of the family, even though you’re not blood related. Good to put up family photos & pictures of ancerstors. 

All up - i’m surprised by how amazing my work room feels at the moment. It’s well organised. There are two corners that will need further review - but at the moment, the energy is really zinging in here!

It’s been a thematic phase that our son has been going through - the challenge of getting him to the dinner table without protest. Yesterday, my husband & I dared to try something incredibly different to the usual routine;

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Had to organise an appointment with a private paedeatrician for Aidan - possible autism spectrum disorder or “something of that nature” in the equation. Found the list of identifying signs & symptoms of Autism confronting - because i have done a lot of research over the years and haven’t ever seen a list that had so many of my son’s quirks living in one spot - not even my readings upon things like Aspergers had a list like that one. Learnt about Hyperlexia today - the precocious reading & comprehension component that my son has sounds very much like it - things have been improving for us because my son’s vocabulary has been expanding over the years. erg. The non-verbal ??? unresponsiveness to his name thing, the limited eye-contact, my life of having a son who couldn’t stand being hugged - but has slowly begun to warm up to it over the years - but he still has that “push away” thing in his body that’s been there since birth. When my son says,

“I love you mum!” or gives me one of his, 

“Love, love-love!” squish with two arms held out straight like the mouth of a crocodile jamming it’s mouth open and shut - … 

Of course it means the world to me. A moment in my life where my heart can take a moment to pause - to gain a small window of something like that. Something which most mother’s had lashings of when their kids were born, unlike me – who has had to wait, find other channels of ‘love’ outside of the standard hug. A 2 second hug means a lot over here!

My son’s a high-functioning kid, we’re not quite dealing with a complete Rain Man over here and i think he’s likely to fair well with the extra-help for transition into school, though erg - it’s been covertly overhwelming. Enough for a clear signal of, 
“Ok - he’s not quite the same as most other kids in some departments and far beyond his age in others.”

We’re not shocked, we’ve had a lot of non-judgemental support - it’s just like a gentle under-towing of some kind that’s really subtle. I’ve had my sporadic weeping moments today - memories of pregnancy/birth & the early challenges seeking to resurface - the mind going through that backwards roll of connecting the dots that lead towards an lbm It does have intense things attached - perhaps Mitch & I are just good at remaining calm/focussed with, 

“Ok - so let’s get a clear picture of what needs to be done now, work towards developing strategies, get going on with it to help our son move forward!” 

It’s like there’s a cloudy gas of some things that are intangible right now. I guess it is intense - perhaps Mitch’s day has been not too far off fom my own. We’ve been able to touch it briefly together, though we’ve both got an aura of, 

“I need some time to sleep on it before i can entertain any further discussion!”

…and have firmly shook hands together on that. Our son is like an amplified version of the two of us put together. We have some reflecting to do.

So we need to get the ball rolling with getting on with “form filling” & “form signing” proceedures to gain assistance. Having a Phone Phobia disorder has not made it a comfortable ride for me today, though i’ve been lucky that the people on the other end of the phone have not been reckless assholes. 

…except for perhaps that flacid sounding human i had to talk to at Integral Energy today, to enquire about how to protect my computers from the frequent brown-outs we’ve been having lately! ccc 

“There’s no mention of there being a problem in that region on my computer.” 

This is after going through the process of listening to an automated computer voice telling me there was an outage in the Katoomba & Leura areas at the precise time that it happened just a few minutes before i called them. ccc Oh you know, one of those… 

“I can’t talk coherent english, my voice is going to make it very difficult for you to understand me without prompting me with requests to repeat myself, and when you do that - I’m going to make it difficult for you because you’re making a covert judgement that i’m not talking clearly enough. Your ears are going to strain extra hard against the phone so that you don’t put yourself in the position of offending me. I seriously don’t like my job and i don’t feel very enthusiastic about receiving this call, which is why the inflexions in my voice are rather monotonous, low in volume & have a notable downward depressing tilt. Expect difficulty in communication with me, expect resistance.”

… kind of voices. You can hear all of that on the basis of how they greet you at the beginning! 

Don’t know how i would’ve coped if the important points of contact over the phone today didn’t transpire with nice & understanding people on the other end, who could decipher my st-st-st-st-st-st-stutter-rap, because i have trouble processing spoken speech without facial cues, am hypersensitive to “tone” without a face, and become disabled by the phone because i can’t use two hands to help me draw illustrative pictures for myself (and to the people i’m talking to who can’t see them). My brain needs to “see” the pictures with my hands before another part of my brain can “see” the sequence of words that i need to string together. It feels so horrible because i can see my brain struggling to try and dip into a virtual thesauraus which is a black hole of (My GOD! I can’t SEE the WORDS! I can’t “see” ANY of the words! Who hit the delete button on that visual book which houses my vocabulary?! The pages have all gone blank! It’s empty! I have been rendered vocally illiterate!)

So - trying to send a message to Lisa - and there’s this really cheerful seeming person on the other line. I struggle so hard to find the smooth words.

“Hi, i’m having?? Lisa has been coming to us for assistance…We ??? were.. able to..?? we organised a..an appointment with the pediatrician for our son /??? for screening…and i need to leave her a message about who the doctor is and what time the appointment is.”

I didn’t know how to approach/what to ask/speak. If confronting the phone stresses me so much, i sometimes need to think and string the words together on a piece of paper before i call! The lady was amazingly helpful. Lisa had left specific instructions for her – so that she knew a call from me would be coming. The instructions were so detailed, outlining exactly what this woman was supposed to expect from me – so despite my own struggle in trying to get the message across – the process of getting the message through was successful & relatively easy despite my own stress. Yes, I struggled – it pained me because my mouth was having so much difficulty in trying to explain my situation – and Lisa was thankfully so considerate to know that such a call would have been very difficult to handle had this woman not been armed with the ability to expect it. Phew!

That’s my tackle done for the week – I’ve had no time for the house - have had to focus on this fun & greatly talented little guy over here…

My kitchen is still looking really fantastic for 42 days tho!

 
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There is not much left to tackle in the house in terms of spaces not addressed. It’s just the contents of a few boxes in storage which has been my main focus the last few weeks. Ihave many photos that need archiving and that task is going to take months to finish. 

I was wondering what the point or objective of my emotional shelf would be. I’ve sorted through all of my books in storage, bundled a number of them together to sell on ebay. It now serves the function of a “making money” shelf.  

   

I look forward to clearing the first 2 shelves. Who knows what else will fill the space next week.

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I’ve tackled many major things with my emotional shelf again this week. My photos have been well sorted into themes but it will take at least 3 months for me to composite my first 60 pages for a digital scrapbook publication. I also completed 30 days of keeping my kitchen tidy, so I deposited $44 into my savings account last night for a job well done. I’m extending the goal for another 30 days because the habit isn’t up to the “autopilot” level that i want it yet, but i’m getting close. Sewed two more shirts & another pair of trousers for my son.

So here is how things stand. It sometimes confuses me - what is the objective of this game? To make my shelf empty? This shelf is a bit like my brain. More space opens when i can finish these things. There will hopefully come a time when i can bring more art back into my life, but for now - i still have things to finish first.

My bonsai fig, sometimes known as Rx, is maybe about 3+ years old now. I forget what year it was when i bought him and he was such a tiny little thing when i first got him. He is like my Madonna plant - a baby tree that has experienced many extreme make overs in his whole lifetime. He’s been nude quite a number of times too, so can be quite the baldy exhibitionist but he can also have his very bushy moments too. I have quite a few pictures of him in my archives.

This tree is very much like an organic book of my life. I have travelled with it for so long. The main branches are like the major chapters of my life. The sub-branches that emerge are no different to facing the forked roads in my life. Which way do i want to go? Where am i headed? I have nurtured it’s branches to do very crazy artistic things because this is what fig trees are good at. I’m not following tradition - i’m just bending the branches to the kinds of curves that I find aesthetically pleasing. It sometimes feels like i’m building a house out of a tree, or even a magical playground and sometimes i hope it might be able to turn into an asymetrical celtic knot. If he gets too bushy, life usually has far too many things going on at once so it’s good to cut back. When he gets too baldy without enough leaves because maybe some animals have tried to munch him down really badly - i don’t need to worry because he is an everlasting pool of resource. He will ALWAYS find a new way to branch out regardless of the circumstances. Nothing can stop him. He’s almost invincible! A never ending source of many beautiful metaphoric connections with life. One of my most treasured plants!

I haven’t slept for 38 hours in an attempt to adjust my body clock today so i’ve had to take things very easy going for today’s tackle. I didn’t know what i could do that would be small and simple until i spotted the dirty table, which reminded me of Mrs Lifecruiser’s table last week. It’s amazing how good things can feel after a very simple wipe for a glass table!

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