Crucified ~ Army Of Lovers
I’ve been reflecting a lot on my identity of late. Going through some kind of crystalisation of who i am. An experience of growth and heightened awareness.
While i’ve felt lost in the realm of cultural identity i know one genre of life where i know i have felt the strongest form of connection, joy and celebration of life. It’s been through music.
Music to me is perhaps similar to what alcohol is to an alcoholic. Clearly not safe and hazzardous to my health if i don’t take it in moderation.
When i hear medical commentary suggesting that people listen to music in order to help with getting better sleep, in order to help them sleep - it makes me laugh. I couldn’t possibly think of anything worse to do before bed. Even if a song is “calm” or “soothing” - it just stimulates me far too much to be in a position to be induced into sleep. Then again, perhaps I haven’t come across too many songs that do induce a state of helping to shut the body down.
I’ve got to admit - i did experience a strong sensation of melancholic restful peace & consolidation this after i followed up TorAa’s holocaust link in the former post. There clearly is an innate giftedness in the composer who wrote that piece of music functioning as the sountrack for this website. Of course, my taste and physical reaction to this song, is indeed my own individual experience of it.
I’ve been meaning to bridge with the following song in this video clip with a post for quite some time, titled “Cruicified” by the Army of Lovers.
I know Mrs.Lifecruiser will understand why i enjoy this piece, and she will perhaps resonate similarly to the fashion as i do with regards to the costume design.
I was cruicified on religious grounds during the time of this song’s release during late 1991, early 1992. The apparent “comedy” i find within it, was clearly a great way for me to “laugh my way through it.” Just a tender age of 14 going on 15 - it provided just the right kind of “up yours” to “the system” that helped me to grapple with feelings and experiences i was inadvertently forced to confront on my own. I have always enjoyed humour that is irreverant & cheeky.
The fashion - yes, i love the era of “renaisannce”. Another thing i enjoyed the most, is the so-called “gayness” of the male singer. By this, i mean the ownership of an attribute presiding within men that would make people pass judgement that he is “gay”, when really - even a hetrosexual man could own aspects of a quality like this too. I’ve always enjoyed men who have proudly owned and expressed this quality. Whether or not this is a specific icon of “homosexuality” - my life has been chronically depleted of representations of men like this in media. Or - i guess celebrity men who embue “masculinity”, perhaps Tom Cruise of Brad Pitt, that sort of male doesn’t do too much for me.
I generally don’t put much weight of what people look getting in the way of forming friendships, so this is simply just my own exploration of,
“Hey, i really like this - when men dress like this, i think it looks good.” (and not in a sexual sense).
I really like it when men embrace style like this. I really enjoy “frilly” shirts on both men and women. I find it classy, elegant and artistic. I don’t exactly feel comfortable with overt sexuality (feel it’s best behind closed doors), but to see men express themselves like this - i find it incredibly refreshing and inspiring. When i see men like this, i don’t think,
“What a less of a man”.
For me, it’s more like,
“What a man - look at this man, how wonderful to see the male figure look ‘beautiful’ like this.”
I can embrace it as something incredibly masculine, man-like. I admire it anyway. I find it very “attractive” and i’m incredibly curious to know how Chase feels, how he would judge the level of attractiveness in the singer with the black hair - how does that fit within his own schema of “ooh, that’s hot” or “ewe, how embarassing/gross”. Actually - i’m rather curious to know how other men (hetrosexual or otherwise) would judge and regard this singer too. Do they identify? Do they own a quality like this themselves? Can they admire or appreciate this? How does this singer’s “handsome-ness” fit within their own scale of what they feel makes a man look attractive?
Artists like Boy George had the same impact on me. So too did the Village People. So wonderful for me to see other reflections of men. As i see them embracing the supposedly “feminine” clasifications that exist, it has helped me to find peace with my own “masculines”. If i am able to see them as men - then i guess it could be the same for me as well. Acceptance of my femaleness as it is, that because i do not entirely mesh with the ideals presented via the projected norms of pop-culture, this really can no longer make me any lesser-of-a-woman.
Clearly going through a process of something begining to solidify within me. It’s almost as though life is commanding me to embrace, accept and integrate into my being. A good thing despite the level of emotions being somewhat intense.
